5
Sometime when you are reading, the topic, yes, is obviously talking about the relationship. But you can creatively apply the useful philosophy to other part of your life. Because, I think the righteous principle of life is parallel.
Confessions of a Perfect Husband
10 simple secrets that will keep her—and you—happy
1.Avoid These Two Words
When you and Lucy argue, don't use either of these two words: "Never" and "Always." First of all, they're not technically accurate. It's not true that she never wears the cheerleader skirt; you got some boolah-boolah on your birthday. But, more important, they're gas-on-the-fire words. Instead of these indicting adverbs, use ameliorative words and phrases, like "sometimes" or "I feel" or "I wish." Darn right they're soft, but guess what? The best husbands actually are a skosh more sensitive to their wives' feelings than your average brute of a mate is. By the way, the words never and always are great when you're complimenting her, as in, "You never fail to amaze me" or "I always enjoy reaching under your blouse."
2.Greet Her Like This
You come through the door tired, maybe distracted about something at work. You riffle through the mail, ask her a routine how-was-your-day question, and give her a pro forma kiss. But let's face it, you don't really focus on her, do you? She gets only a sliver of your attention. Not good enough. Don't panic. I'm not about to suggest in-the-moment mindfulness. Men can't be "in" every moment. The secret is to "husband" your limited supply of attention, save it for deployment at pivotal times. Think like John McEnroe, who would occasionally tank a forsaken fourth set, saving his strength for the pivotal fifth. Your key moments are the reunions. Take a few seconds and resolve to be fully tuned-in during each come-together moment. You can do it. Trust me, if I can, you can. Here's the plain truth: For all the habituation of marriage, all the erosions that come with familiarity, a link between a man and a woman is also instantly renewable in a momentary locked-on gaze. For just a beat, maybe two, claim her with your eyeballs. Look at her in a way that says, "I'm glad to be home, back in our powerful secret." This kind of subtle but daily maintenance keeps the engine thrumming.
3.Laugh at Her
Among the most affirming things one person can do for another is to laugh at the other's attempts at humor. Lots of husbands, over time, forget this salute. What's that you say? Your wife isn't funny? So what? Neither is your dolt of a boss, but you laugh at his lame attempts. Why? Because you're trying to prove you respect him. Bingo! One of the biggest dangers mature marriages face is that Homer and Marge stop trying to demonstrate their respect for each other. Laughter is tonic for a woman's woes. Keep it on display.
4.Make the Lion's Roar
Describing his important role during World War II, Winston Churchill once remarked that though he was no lion, it had fallen to him to make the lion's roar. Every now and then, husbands have to get fierce, defiant on behalf of their team. It won't happen often, but when you are in a confrontational situation, where reason and soft words have failed—a dispute with a teacher, a vendor, a bill collector, your neighbor, your mother—be prepared to bark in unambiguous defense of your family. Don't shrink from this obligation. Your wife's regard for you will shrink if you do. display.
5.Be a Little Lamblike, Too
Yes, this contradicts the carnivorous idea above, but a husband is versatile: He can hammer the tee ball and feather the wedge. Softness and kindness and tenderness and all those traits that ain't much use in the marketplace are pure gold when it comes to being a husband. A good husband relies on his wife, values her counsel, trusts her to love him even though he's not in command. We're most human when we're wounded or lost. Fred Rogers once said that the best gift you can give somebody is to gracefully receive his or her help. That enriches everybody, giver and getter alike. Now and then, wrap your arms around your wife and whisper that you're a mite confused. Let her help you find your way.
6.Get Close
She needs closeness to feel sexual; you need sex to feel close. This is the fundamental impenetrable puzzle of love. I have no idea what to do about this. But great husbands have this reality in mind at all times.
7.Be Touchy
Apparently, we touch our wives too infrequently—except, of course, when we are taxiing for takeoff. It pains me to cede any ground, but we're guilty as charged. I know one husband who when he's feeling conjugal actually touches his wife as though he cherishes her character. But in fact, he's hoping to cherish her caboose in a kitchen quickie. She sees through me every time. Did I say me? I meant him. Nonsexual touch is a potent, underused endorsement of another soul. As you're heading out the door, give her upper arm a quick, affectionate double squeeze. As you're walking into a party or to your table, put a guiding hand, lightly but surely, on her lower back. Some nothing-special Tuesday night while she's standing at the sink doing the dishes, come up behind her and give her a kiss on the back of her head. It should be more than a peck—make it last 1.4 seconds. Throw in a little grunt of gratitude; its message is only this: "I'm a lucky man." Don't linger behind her. No arms. No hint of pelvic urge. She'll get cranky if she suspects you're cruising for dessert while she's scraping chicken gunk off a baking dish. Just drop the husband kiss on her noggin and get out of there. She'll feel valued.
8.Notice the Coffee Cup
The perfect husband understands that women often get confused by stuff that doesn't matter, as in the unwashed coffee cup that's been sitting in the sink for days. Few wives understand that it isn't that we see the coffee cup and elect not to rinse it, but rather that the neural link between our eyeballs and brains actually keeps us from seeing the cup. The gender biology of why we don't see the cup comes down to this: We have a lot of more important things on our minds. Will the Bills cover? Any chance of sex today? I think my biceps really are getting bigger. Our minds are cauldrons of profound thoughts. Any wonder we occasionally overlook some stray dishware? Charge: We don't help enough around the house. We're guilty. But here's the fix: Do more. Not a lot more—just a little more. One of the best things about women is that they really appreciate the smallest sign that you're trying. They're effort oriented. Try walking into a room with a woman's mind. Imagine that your brain has space in it for trivialities like unwashed cups. Ask yourself, If I were a psycho neat freak, what would bother me in here? The coffee cup—which sometimes takes the form of the kids' sneakers under the table or the metro section crumpled on the couch—will suddenly reveal itself to you.
9.Don't Fix Her
People rarely change unless they feel accepted as they are. Once folks feel they're not required to change, growth happens.
10.Play To Win
You know the athletic wisdom that warns against playing not to lose, that argues you have to be loose to let your skills flow and maximize your game? Same goes for marriage. Oh, sure, you can have a perfectly fine little partnership by taking the cautious route. He & She Inc. may even hum along nicely if you companionably sidestep the briar patches. But that's no way to be a great husband. She's entitled to more, the full monty, the whole experience of being affiliated with, no, make that loved by, a man. People often settle for accommodating coupledom because they're afraid some explosive issues will blow up the marriage. They fear ending their days alone, living under the bridge behind the high school. Set yourself free to play bravely by taking the big risk, divorce, off the table. Decide that you meant what you said at the wedding, that this woman, come what may, is your partner for life. Older couples often report that once they've gone past the point where they might leave each other, their partnership gets an invigorating second wind. No longer afraid of being alone, they talk things through. In pursuit of something richer than mere amity, they explore regrets, grievances. Sure, it can be difficult, but it's full and human and adrenal and—hallelujah!—not dull. And it can lead to a more spacious marriage, a connection that is full hearted and well tempered instead of taped together.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Your Man -Part 1
4
I have come across some great posts from Yahoo; many of the articles are really useful for life. Some makes me really want to share with others and bring others attention to it. Today, this intriguingly article that caught my attention, and I think it is an article everyone should give some thought to it. The topic everyone concern, relate to your “relationship”. If you have a partner, definitely let him read it; let him understand more about sudden wrong thought.
Posted by Hannah 25 March, 2008
Why a good man cheat?
Your Man's Infidelity Triggers
When a high-profile man gets high-profile press for high-price sex, it's enough to get the collective voice of women asking a whole bunch of why questions.
Why do men cheat? Why can't they control themselves? Why do they have to pay for it? The answer may seem simple at first (if he's not being satisfied at home, he'll roam the neighborhood). But the reasons are a little more nuanced than that.
Some guys are simply serial cheaters - think about the trail of rumors that followed Bill Clinton into the White House. But other guys, like Eliot Spitzer, seem like upstanding citizens until wham, bam, thank you ma'am, they show exactly how low they're willing to go. What is it, then, that triggers a normally faithful man to cross the line from from being committed to breaking trust, from home cooking to ordering out?
Power (or Cash)
It's not to say that entry-level men who make minimum salaries don't cheat, but it's also pretty clear that powerful men with the means to withdraw hefty sums of cash (for hotels, gifts, prostitutes) are often candidates. It's not just because they have more options; it's also because they think their invincibility in the office will also extend to their private lives, which they assume will remain private no matter how high-profile they may be. Arrogance is a form of blindness, after all.
A Sudden Change in Status
Maybe he hasn't been elected Governor, but has your guy gone from middle management to senior exec lately? Simply making the leap from corporal to captain can put a guy in a difficult spot - he's suddenly separated from his office crew, facing challenges at work that you may not relate to, and looking for someone to tell his woes to - even if it costs $1300 to get her to keep quiet and leave after he's seemingly unburdened himself.
The Family Circus
I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's fair, but some men can feel like they're last in the family pecking order once the gaggle of children dominates schedules, time, and his wife's attention. That doesn't mean that kids drive their fathers to cheat, nor does it mean that families are to blame. It just means that the situation can make some men more vulnerable to be influenced by...
An Unexpected Ego Stroke
A note from an ex, a compliment from a co-worker, a good rapport with a server at his favorite bar. If the affection in his primary relationship dwindles as time goes on, a guy's hormones can skyrocket when he feels the charge of a new woman showing some attention. Most times, innocent bantering is just that, but coupled with other triggers, the chemical reaction is a dangerous one.
Cyber 'Safety'
Plain and simple: The Internet has made it easier for men to feel safer-in everything from looking for dates and mates to sending innuendo-laced IMs to the hot coworker on the third floor.
The apparent safety of flirting in his own keyboard can build an unhealthy feeling that everything he's doing is OK, making it more likely he can slip into making some very stupid choices. An addictive personality only compounds the problem.
To find out if he might have one, take this important quiz.But don't live in fear, either. Here are 10 simple secrets successful spouses know that will keep a marriage firing on all cylinders for years to come.
Have other triggers or observations to share? Please lend your voice to this important topic.
I have come across some great posts from Yahoo; many of the articles are really useful for life. Some makes me really want to share with others and bring others attention to it. Today, this intriguingly article that caught my attention, and I think it is an article everyone should give some thought to it. The topic everyone concern, relate to your “relationship”. If you have a partner, definitely let him read it; let him understand more about sudden wrong thought.
Posted by Hannah 25 March, 2008
Why a good man cheat?
Your Man's Infidelity Triggers
When a high-profile man gets high-profile press for high-price sex, it's enough to get the collective voice of women asking a whole bunch of why questions.
Why do men cheat? Why can't they control themselves? Why do they have to pay for it? The answer may seem simple at first (if he's not being satisfied at home, he'll roam the neighborhood). But the reasons are a little more nuanced than that.
Some guys are simply serial cheaters - think about the trail of rumors that followed Bill Clinton into the White House. But other guys, like Eliot Spitzer, seem like upstanding citizens until wham, bam, thank you ma'am, they show exactly how low they're willing to go. What is it, then, that triggers a normally faithful man to cross the line from from being committed to breaking trust, from home cooking to ordering out?
Power (or Cash)
It's not to say that entry-level men who make minimum salaries don't cheat, but it's also pretty clear that powerful men with the means to withdraw hefty sums of cash (for hotels, gifts, prostitutes) are often candidates. It's not just because they have more options; it's also because they think their invincibility in the office will also extend to their private lives, which they assume will remain private no matter how high-profile they may be. Arrogance is a form of blindness, after all.
A Sudden Change in Status
Maybe he hasn't been elected Governor, but has your guy gone from middle management to senior exec lately? Simply making the leap from corporal to captain can put a guy in a difficult spot - he's suddenly separated from his office crew, facing challenges at work that you may not relate to, and looking for someone to tell his woes to - even if it costs $1300 to get her to keep quiet and leave after he's seemingly unburdened himself.
The Family Circus
I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's fair, but some men can feel like they're last in the family pecking order once the gaggle of children dominates schedules, time, and his wife's attention. That doesn't mean that kids drive their fathers to cheat, nor does it mean that families are to blame. It just means that the situation can make some men more vulnerable to be influenced by...
An Unexpected Ego Stroke
A note from an ex, a compliment from a co-worker, a good rapport with a server at his favorite bar. If the affection in his primary relationship dwindles as time goes on, a guy's hormones can skyrocket when he feels the charge of a new woman showing some attention. Most times, innocent bantering is just that, but coupled with other triggers, the chemical reaction is a dangerous one.
Cyber 'Safety'
Plain and simple: The Internet has made it easier for men to feel safer-in everything from looking for dates and mates to sending innuendo-laced IMs to the hot coworker on the third floor.
The apparent safety of flirting in his own keyboard can build an unhealthy feeling that everything he's doing is OK, making it more likely he can slip into making some very stupid choices. An addictive personality only compounds the problem.
To find out if he might have one, take this important quiz.But don't live in fear, either. Here are 10 simple secrets successful spouses know that will keep a marriage firing on all cylinders for years to come.
Have other triggers or observations to share? Please lend your voice to this important topic.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Love & Intimate
3
I once read this forward below, and it catch my heard; it's is very meaningful. I wish I will get this forward earlier and keep it in my best forward folder under my document. NOwadays , many is the victim of looking for fun too short too fast; and did not realize something 'not fun' is come with the package ! Hope you repeatly read the article below. And , I want to thanks my friend who forwarded this to me . Today I just use this to reply an imp's mail which I get it from friend making site!
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Subject: Love & Intimate
性和寻找亲密
怎样才能与某人经历真正的亲密？怎样才是爱？怎样才是亲密？
作者: Dick Purnell
Henry Brandt博士在Collegiate Challenge 这本杂志里这样说:有这样的一个综合病症，一个形式，当情侣来到他那里，他们说，"开始时，性是兴奋的。但过后，我却开始对自己感觉到很奇怪，再过后，我觉得我的配偶很奇怪。我们争论，吵架而最后我们分开。现在，我们彼此为敌。"这病症我称它为过度行为副作用症状。我们醒来却发现真正的亲密并不在那里。性关系再也不能满足我们，而那个结果并不是我们起初所要的。有的就是两个自我中心的人寻求自我满足。组成真爱和亲密的要素不能"即刻"获得。而你发觉自己在不平衡的状态中寻求和谐。我们每个人的生命都有五个深具意义的成分。我们的肉体、情感、思想、社交、和心灵的部分。所有这五个成分的构造是为了和谐共处。在寻找亲密这件事上，我们今天或明天要解决，我们其中的一个问题是我们要"即刻"的满足。当所需要的亲密在一个关系里无法被满足，我们寻找"即刻"的解决方式。我们去那里找？肉体、情感、思想、社交或心灵？是在肉体上！在肉体上与某人亲密容易过在任何其他四方面亲密。你可以和一个异性有着半小时或一个半小时的亲密――依照需求而定！但你很快就会发觉到性只不过是一个暂时放松的浅薄欲望。还有更深一层的需要还是无法获得满足！你当怎么做当一阵激动逐渐减弱以及当你越有性关系，你越少喜欢它？我们理性的说，"我们相爱。不，我的意思是我们真正相爱。"但是，我们还是感到内疚和不满足。我穿过美国所有的校园看到男男女女在寻找亲密，从一个关系到另一个关系，期望"这次就够了，我会找到一个永久性的关系。"我相信我们真正要的并不是性。我们真正要的乃是亲密！
怎样才是亲密？
今天，亲密这词有着性的隐含意义在内。但比这更多的是，它包含了我们生命的不同层面——是的，在肉体上，但也在社交、情感、思想和心灵上。亲密的真义是全生命的分享。我们岂不都有过那种想要与某人亲密、与他/她成为一体、和完全与他/她分享我们生命的欲望吗？Marshall Hodge 写了一本书叫做你对爱的惧怕。在书里，他这样写道，"我们渴望表达爱、亲密和温柔的时刻。但很多时候，在紧要关头，我们退缩。我们害怕亲密，我们害怕爱。"Hodge 过后又写道，"你越与某人亲近，你会受到更大的伤害。"通常是因为害怕受到伤害使我们不敢寻找真正的亲密。我在南部的伊利诺斯（美国州名Illinois）大学有着一系列的授课。在其中的一次会议后，一位女士来到我面前说，"我需要和你谈关于我男朋友的问题。"我们坐下，她开始告诉我她的困扰。过了一阵子，她做了这样的声明："我现在就采取不会再受到伤害的步骤。"我告诉她，"你的意思是，你采取了不再去爱的步骤。"她以为我误解了她，所以她继续说，"不，那并不是我所说的。我只是不想再受到任何伤害。我不要我的生命有痛苦。"我说，"对了，你不要有爱在你的生命里。"你看，并没有所谓"没有痛苦的爱。"当我们越与某人亲密，痛苦的可能性就会越大。我估计你会（以及大概百分之百的人口）这么说，你以前曾在一个亲密关系中受到伤害。问题是，你如何处理这伤害？为了隐瞒这伤害，很多人带给人一种我称它为"双面的指示。"我们告诉一个人，"看，我要你与我亲近。我要爱和被爱。。。但请等一下，我以前曾受过伤害。不，我不想再谈这些课题。我不想再听到这些东西。"我们在我们心的周围建立起一道的围墙来保护任何一个从外面来伤害我们的人。但这同样的围墙使人不敢进来，也使我们固守在里面。结果？装进去的是寂寞而真正的亲密和爱便变成不可能。
怎样才是爱？
爱是超越情感，而且比有好的感觉更胜一筹。但我们的社会把神所说的爱、性和亲密把它改变成简单的情感和感觉。神在圣经里用很伟大的细节来描写爱，特别在哥林多前书第13章。这样你可以看到神注重爱的定义，让我用这样的方式来向你描述第4－7节（林前13：4－7节）。当一个人说他爱你如同神所说的，它可以怎样满足你的需要？
如果这个人对你没有忌妒，却向你表现出忍耐和恩慈？
如果这个人不自夸和骄傲？
如果这个人对你有礼貌或以自我为中心或容易生气怎么样呢？
如果这个人没有对你所做的一切错事做任何的记录那又怎样呢？
这就是神为爱所下的定义，他要我们在关系中经历他。你注意到这种爱是一种给予的爱，不是以自己而是以"别人"为中心的爱。而有一个问题。谁能活出这样的爱？我们若要在关系上经历这样的爱，我们必须先经历神对我们的爱。如果你从未这样的被爱过你就无法持续不断的向某人示范这样的爱。神，认识你，知道关于你的一切东西，以完全的爱爱你。神透过古时的先知，耶利米告诉我们，"我以永远的爱爱你，因此我以慈爱吸引你"（耶利米书31：3）。所以神对你的爱是从来不曾改变的。神这样的爱我们以至他允许耶稣基督为我们的罪而钉死在十字架上（古时的一种死刑）好叫我们得以洁净。我们在圣经里读到，"神爱世人，甚至将他的独生子赐给他们，叫一切信他的，不至灭亡，反得永生。"（约3：16）。当我们转向神并且接受他的赦免，我们便能开始经历神的爱。神告诉我们，"我们若认自己的罪，神是信实的,是公义的，必要赦免我们的罪，洗净我们一切的不义。"（约一书1：9）。神不但原谅我们的罪，他也洗净和忘记我们的一切过犯。不管怎样，神会继续的爱我们。很多时候，关系的结束是因在人里头的一些东西改变。比如：破坏性的意外或失去经济地位。但神的爱并不是根据我们的外在，我们是谁或我们是怎样的？如你所看，神对爱的观点是与社会上所告诉我们的爱完全不同的。你可以想象一个拥有这种爱的关系？神简单的告诉我们他的赦免和爱是给我们的只要我们向他要。这是他给予我们的礼物。但当我们拒绝这礼物，我们是那位切断自己找到真正满足、真正亲密和得着真正目的在生命中的人。
答案是
我相信我们真正要的并不是性，而是亲密的关系
神的爱提供一个答案。我们所要做的是以信心和委身来回应。圣经说："凡接待他的，就是信他名的人，他就赐他们权柄，作神的儿女。"（约1：12）。神差派他唯一的儿子，耶稣，死在世上。但故事并不在此结束。三天后，耶稣从死里复活。神今天仍然活着，而且他要把他的爱放在你的心里。当你接受他，你将会被他在你的生命和你的关系中所做的感到惊奇神的话告诉我们，"信子（耶稣基督）的人有永生；不信子的人得不着永生，神的震怒常在他身上。"（约3：36）神向我们所要的不单在今天得着丰盛的生命，而是能得到永远的生命。如果我们选择拒绝他，那么我们就选择了罪的成果，那就是永死以及与他永远的隔绝。接受耶稣基督就是邀请他进入我们的生命和信靠他使我们的生命得着平衡。对神的信心促使神赦免我们的罪。使我们不再隐藏和不再行自己喜悦的道路。他在那里，我们在那里就有平安。当我们把信心放在他那里并倚靠他后，他会住在我们的生命中并且我们与他会有一个亲密的关系。他会赦免和洗净我们曾有或将会有的重大的罪、自我为中心、深切的问题和争扎。
带来满足感的亲密度
在整本圣经里，神对性的态度是非常清楚的，性只限为婚姻和结婚的人预备。不是因为他要使我们痛苦自怜，而是他要保护我们的心。他要为我们建立一个保障，这样当我们步入婚姻，我们亲密的安全感是基于神的爱和智慧。当我们信靠耶稣基督，他每一天给我们新的爱和新的关系。这就是那能满足我们的亲密。神给我们的爱是不会离开的，并且在岁月的成长和时间的改变上也不会停止。他的爱可以把两个人系在一起，他是两人联合的中心。在约会的关系里，当你一起成长，不当在灵命上，但也是在社交上，心思和情感上。你能拥有一个真诚的、关爱的和亲密的关系是非常满足和兴奋的！而当关系一直走到婚姻的顶点，性的联合只能够促进那已经建立起来的根基。你现在可以凭着信心透过祷告接受基督。祷告是和神交谈。神知道你的心，他看重你内心的态度过于你外在的言语，下面的祷告可作参考："神阿！我需要你。我愿意打开心门接受耶稣作我的救主和生命的主。感谢你赦免我的罪。求你管理我的一生，使我成为你所喜悦的人。奉主耶稣的名祷告。阿门。"这个祷告是否合乎你的心愿？如果是，请你现在就做这个祷告。把你的信心放在基督上，结果是他会进入你的生命就如同他所应许的。这将会开始与他有一个关系，而当你越认识他时，你和他的关系将会越来越亲密。而当你以他为中心，你的生命将会有一个全新的面貌――一个属灵的――在你与所有人的关系里带给你更大的满足与和谐。
I once read this forward below, and it catch my heard; it's is very meaningful. I wish I will get this forward earlier and keep it in my best forward folder under my document. NOwadays , many is the victim of looking for fun too short too fast; and did not realize something 'not fun' is come with the package ! Hope you repeatly read the article below. And , I want to thanks my friend who forwarded this to me . Today I just use this to reply an imp's mail which I get it from friend making site!
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Subject: Love & Intimate
性和寻找亲密
怎样才能与某人经历真正的亲密？怎样才是爱？怎样才是亲密？
作者: Dick Purnell
Henry Brandt博士在Collegiate Challenge 这本杂志里这样说:有这样的一个综合病症，一个形式，当情侣来到他那里，他们说，"开始时，性是兴奋的。但过后，我却开始对自己感觉到很奇怪，再过后，我觉得我的配偶很奇怪。我们争论，吵架而最后我们分开。现在，我们彼此为敌。"这病症我称它为过度行为副作用症状。我们醒来却发现真正的亲密并不在那里。性关系再也不能满足我们，而那个结果并不是我们起初所要的。有的就是两个自我中心的人寻求自我满足。组成真爱和亲密的要素不能"即刻"获得。而你发觉自己在不平衡的状态中寻求和谐。我们每个人的生命都有五个深具意义的成分。我们的肉体、情感、思想、社交、和心灵的部分。所有这五个成分的构造是为了和谐共处。在寻找亲密这件事上，我们今天或明天要解决，我们其中的一个问题是我们要"即刻"的满足。当所需要的亲密在一个关系里无法被满足，我们寻找"即刻"的解决方式。我们去那里找？肉体、情感、思想、社交或心灵？是在肉体上！在肉体上与某人亲密容易过在任何其他四方面亲密。你可以和一个异性有着半小时或一个半小时的亲密――依照需求而定！但你很快就会发觉到性只不过是一个暂时放松的浅薄欲望。还有更深一层的需要还是无法获得满足！你当怎么做当一阵激动逐渐减弱以及当你越有性关系，你越少喜欢它？我们理性的说，"我们相爱。不，我的意思是我们真正相爱。"但是，我们还是感到内疚和不满足。我穿过美国所有的校园看到男男女女在寻找亲密，从一个关系到另一个关系，期望"这次就够了，我会找到一个永久性的关系。"我相信我们真正要的并不是性。我们真正要的乃是亲密！
怎样才是亲密？
今天，亲密这词有着性的隐含意义在内。但比这更多的是，它包含了我们生命的不同层面——是的，在肉体上，但也在社交、情感、思想和心灵上。亲密的真义是全生命的分享。我们岂不都有过那种想要与某人亲密、与他/她成为一体、和完全与他/她分享我们生命的欲望吗？Marshall Hodge 写了一本书叫做你对爱的惧怕。在书里，他这样写道，"我们渴望表达爱、亲密和温柔的时刻。但很多时候，在紧要关头，我们退缩。我们害怕亲密，我们害怕爱。"Hodge 过后又写道，"你越与某人亲近，你会受到更大的伤害。"通常是因为害怕受到伤害使我们不敢寻找真正的亲密。我在南部的伊利诺斯（美国州名Illinois）大学有着一系列的授课。在其中的一次会议后，一位女士来到我面前说，"我需要和你谈关于我男朋友的问题。"我们坐下，她开始告诉我她的困扰。过了一阵子，她做了这样的声明："我现在就采取不会再受到伤害的步骤。"我告诉她，"你的意思是，你采取了不再去爱的步骤。"她以为我误解了她，所以她继续说，"不，那并不是我所说的。我只是不想再受到任何伤害。我不要我的生命有痛苦。"我说，"对了，你不要有爱在你的生命里。"你看，并没有所谓"没有痛苦的爱。"当我们越与某人亲密，痛苦的可能性就会越大。我估计你会（以及大概百分之百的人口）这么说，你以前曾在一个亲密关系中受到伤害。问题是，你如何处理这伤害？为了隐瞒这伤害，很多人带给人一种我称它为"双面的指示。"我们告诉一个人，"看，我要你与我亲近。我要爱和被爱。。。但请等一下，我以前曾受过伤害。不，我不想再谈这些课题。我不想再听到这些东西。"我们在我们心的周围建立起一道的围墙来保护任何一个从外面来伤害我们的人。但这同样的围墙使人不敢进来，也使我们固守在里面。结果？装进去的是寂寞而真正的亲密和爱便变成不可能。
怎样才是爱？
爱是超越情感，而且比有好的感觉更胜一筹。但我们的社会把神所说的爱、性和亲密把它改变成简单的情感和感觉。神在圣经里用很伟大的细节来描写爱，特别在哥林多前书第13章。这样你可以看到神注重爱的定义，让我用这样的方式来向你描述第4－7节（林前13：4－7节）。当一个人说他爱你如同神所说的，它可以怎样满足你的需要？
如果这个人对你没有忌妒，却向你表现出忍耐和恩慈？
如果这个人不自夸和骄傲？
如果这个人对你有礼貌或以自我为中心或容易生气怎么样呢？
如果这个人没有对你所做的一切错事做任何的记录那又怎样呢？
这就是神为爱所下的定义，他要我们在关系中经历他。你注意到这种爱是一种给予的爱，不是以自己而是以"别人"为中心的爱。而有一个问题。谁能活出这样的爱？我们若要在关系上经历这样的爱，我们必须先经历神对我们的爱。如果你从未这样的被爱过你就无法持续不断的向某人示范这样的爱。神，认识你，知道关于你的一切东西，以完全的爱爱你。神透过古时的先知，耶利米告诉我们，"我以永远的爱爱你，因此我以慈爱吸引你"（耶利米书31：3）。所以神对你的爱是从来不曾改变的。神这样的爱我们以至他允许耶稣基督为我们的罪而钉死在十字架上（古时的一种死刑）好叫我们得以洁净。我们在圣经里读到，"神爱世人，甚至将他的独生子赐给他们，叫一切信他的，不至灭亡，反得永生。"（约3：16）。当我们转向神并且接受他的赦免，我们便能开始经历神的爱。神告诉我们，"我们若认自己的罪，神是信实的,是公义的，必要赦免我们的罪，洗净我们一切的不义。"（约一书1：9）。神不但原谅我们的罪，他也洗净和忘记我们的一切过犯。不管怎样，神会继续的爱我们。很多时候，关系的结束是因在人里头的一些东西改变。比如：破坏性的意外或失去经济地位。但神的爱并不是根据我们的外在，我们是谁或我们是怎样的？如你所看，神对爱的观点是与社会上所告诉我们的爱完全不同的。你可以想象一个拥有这种爱的关系？神简单的告诉我们他的赦免和爱是给我们的只要我们向他要。这是他给予我们的礼物。但当我们拒绝这礼物，我们是那位切断自己找到真正满足、真正亲密和得着真正目的在生命中的人。
答案是
我相信我们真正要的并不是性，而是亲密的关系
神的爱提供一个答案。我们所要做的是以信心和委身来回应。圣经说："凡接待他的，就是信他名的人，他就赐他们权柄，作神的儿女。"（约1：12）。神差派他唯一的儿子，耶稣，死在世上。但故事并不在此结束。三天后，耶稣从死里复活。神今天仍然活着，而且他要把他的爱放在你的心里。当你接受他，你将会被他在你的生命和你的关系中所做的感到惊奇神的话告诉我们，"信子（耶稣基督）的人有永生；不信子的人得不着永生，神的震怒常在他身上。"（约3：36）神向我们所要的不单在今天得着丰盛的生命，而是能得到永远的生命。如果我们选择拒绝他，那么我们就选择了罪的成果，那就是永死以及与他永远的隔绝。接受耶稣基督就是邀请他进入我们的生命和信靠他使我们的生命得着平衡。对神的信心促使神赦免我们的罪。使我们不再隐藏和不再行自己喜悦的道路。他在那里，我们在那里就有平安。当我们把信心放在他那里并倚靠他后，他会住在我们的生命中并且我们与他会有一个亲密的关系。他会赦免和洗净我们曾有或将会有的重大的罪、自我为中心、深切的问题和争扎。
带来满足感的亲密度
在整本圣经里，神对性的态度是非常清楚的，性只限为婚姻和结婚的人预备。不是因为他要使我们痛苦自怜，而是他要保护我们的心。他要为我们建立一个保障，这样当我们步入婚姻，我们亲密的安全感是基于神的爱和智慧。当我们信靠耶稣基督，他每一天给我们新的爱和新的关系。这就是那能满足我们的亲密。神给我们的爱是不会离开的，并且在岁月的成长和时间的改变上也不会停止。他的爱可以把两个人系在一起，他是两人联合的中心。在约会的关系里，当你一起成长，不当在灵命上，但也是在社交上，心思和情感上。你能拥有一个真诚的、关爱的和亲密的关系是非常满足和兴奋的！而当关系一直走到婚姻的顶点，性的联合只能够促进那已经建立起来的根基。你现在可以凭着信心透过祷告接受基督。祷告是和神交谈。神知道你的心，他看重你内心的态度过于你外在的言语，下面的祷告可作参考："神阿！我需要你。我愿意打开心门接受耶稣作我的救主和生命的主。感谢你赦免我的罪。求你管理我的一生，使我成为你所喜悦的人。奉主耶稣的名祷告。阿门。"这个祷告是否合乎你的心愿？如果是，请你现在就做这个祷告。把你的信心放在基督上，结果是他会进入你的生命就如同他所应许的。这将会开始与他有一个关系，而当你越认识他时，你和他的关系将会越来越亲密。而当你以他为中心，你的生命将会有一个全新的面貌――一个属灵的――在你与所有人的关系里带给你更大的满足与和谐。
Monday, March 3, 2008
100% Acceptable Opinion - Your Core Principle
2
Continue from first piece.
I slowly begin to realize and found " the core" value that I can always 100% accept and rely on. Is the core value -- your principle, value that you always revisit and find answer no matter when you facing any circumsatnce.
If you are lucky you will be selected to SEE -- The One who always have the perfect attitude, love; The One who always know the slightest emotion and desire in your heart.
Have you found yours?
By Hannah Chong, 3 Mar 2008
Continue from first piece.
I slowly begin to realize and found " the core" value that I can always 100% accept and rely on. Is the core value -- your principle, value that you always revisit and find answer no matter when you facing any circumsatnce.
If you are lucky you will be selected to SEE -- The One who always have the perfect attitude, love; The One who always know the slightest emotion and desire in your heart.
Have you found yours?
By Hannah Chong, 3 Mar 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Opinions, Suggest, Info... 意見﹑看法﹑。。。
1
I remember that once I ask my friend, " How ?! I don't believe anyone who are unprofessional ?" Even from a book , I will question how qualify is the writer.
So I think I would not get any suggestion and solution when the time I really need them; because I will always questioning them. When you really think about it; actually it is really scary -- becuase it equal to helpless.
But then he answer me: " Whenever you hear or read; you can select certain % to accept. Like you can select only 70% from this book or 30% from that person opinion." Then a resonant in my heard "Yes!", that's my solution of no solutions.
No one is perfect, maybe he or she is good at certain topic for only 50%; so just absorb the good one 精華. Sometime when you have some problem 煩惱; you sitting at the kopitiam seeking your friends advise. One of your friend got so much opinions and he or she is a very confidence person. Sound like you should follow their way.
But who's the person that's know you perfectly well, is yourself. So tailor make the size that fit you well.
*Dedicated this first page to a friend who give me the % answer- Mr. Len. And who also encourage me to start a blog, which I want to do it a long time ago.
Thank you for reading and hope you enjoy the page ^-^
by Hannah Chong, 1 Mar 2008
I remember that once I ask my friend, " How ?! I don't believe anyone who are unprofessional ?" Even from a book , I will question how qualify is the writer.
So I think I would not get any suggestion and solution when the time I really need them; because I will always questioning them. When you really think about it; actually it is really scary -- becuase it equal to helpless.
But then he answer me: " Whenever you hear or read; you can select certain % to accept. Like you can select only 70% from this book or 30% from that person opinion." Then a resonant in my heard "Yes!", that's my solution of no solutions.
No one is perfect, maybe he or she is good at certain topic for only 50%; so just absorb the good one 精華. Sometime when you have some problem 煩惱; you sitting at the kopitiam seeking your friends advise. One of your friend got so much opinions and he or she is a very confidence person. Sound like you should follow their way.
But who's the person that's know you perfectly well, is yourself. So tailor make the size that fit you well.
*Dedicated this first page to a friend who give me the % answer- Mr. Len. And who also encourage me to start a blog, which I want to do it a long time ago.
Thank you for reading and hope you enjoy the page ^-^
by Hannah Chong, 1 Mar 2008
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